It was my 34th birthday yesterday and also the first birthday of my business. But what do these numbers mean really? For me, they’re just a reminder to pause and reflect.
This past year I’ve stopped counting the shiny milestones and realised that the filament of real life that connects them together is the real gold.
I’ve screwed up a hundred times and then some more starting my first business. Humble pie is now a familiar item on the weekly menu and I’m getting used to owning my mistakes and realising I can’t do it all by myself.
Oh, and I’ve stopped telling old stories.
I used to introduce myself in conversation as someone I used to be. Hi there, I used to be a banker in the city. Oh I’m a faux boho! You have no idea how clueless I was when I moved to the countryside – I had to call my husband in a panic from the gas station because I didn’t know how to get the diesel in. And so on.
But that’s all old stuff.
Who am I now? I can drive a car in 5 inch heels and in fact, I’m prouder of the fact that I can drive in mud encrusted snow boots with two kids screeching in the backseat. I can butcher a rabbit and write a business proposal in 15 minutes. The countryside makes my spirits soar and the city makes my fingertips tingle.
I realise now that all these stories were about trying to fit in . In Singapore I sometimes felt too eccentric. In the countryside I was often too bourgeois. When you’re looking outwards for validation, you’re never going to be alright. You can’t please everyone all of the time.
Actually, even better than fitting in, is having a sense of connection and belonging. And finally, in my mid 30s, I feel like I do, to my pleasant surprise. Home is a feeling, an inside job.
And when we feel at home, secure, grounded, the curious thing is that we also gain an infinite freedom, the choice to be the unlimited version of ourselves.
Everyday I, and you, and everyone, wakes up a new, different individual with 24 fresh hours ahead of us. We can close our fists, cling on to the past, fog our present with wistfulness and tedious repetition of old stories or we can stay open and very interested. The world is waiting.
I wanted to share something that I made with you guys. It’s a little movie experiment about one ordinary day in our life. It’s also a bit of a love letter to my amazing husband, it’s Father’s Day in Australia after all!
You won’t find it on Youtube because it’s too private, so you’ll have to click on the secret link below.
Ok, I’ll shut up now and let you watch the movie. I’m happy to have all of you as my friends, I believe we’re all connected in mysterious ways. Peace and love to you.
34 yrs fresh,