7 reasons why moving house is like childbirth
1.) Because you always forget just how horrible and traumatic it is and only remember when you’re in the throes of it, screaming expletives at frightened looking sweaty men
2.) Because your husband will very cleverly decide to piss off during a critical moment, taking a “business trip” to Sydney or some other fanciful location
3.) Because you will be in absolutely no mood to cook for about 2 weeks before and after the event.
4.) Because of point number 3, you will subsist on nothing more than Indomie instant noodles for approximately a month
5.) Because after the exhaustion of the actual event, it will gradually dawn on you with some horror that what awaits you on the other side is even more agony!
6.) Because immediately after the whole 3-day ordeal is over, when all you want to do is lie in a bathtub like a limp noodle with a cup of tea, your husband (who has been gagging for a bit of attention) will decide to organise a flurry of social events some EVEN ON THE SAME DAY as the end of the move and attempt to drag you, dripping and limp to said events like one of those drowned pirate wraiths from The Curse of The Black Pearl…
And last but not least…
7.) Because some day in the distant future, you’ll be lying around, and your husband will suddenly get that twinkle in his eye, and you will summon up the most quelling look you can think off and pronounce “NEVER AGAIN!!!!”